I was talking with a mom of a friend of Nics who also has a chronic illness. We share stories because the girls are friends and in the same grade and at the same school so we can support each other when we have trouble with nurses, teachers and other issues.
What got me about our conversation is the idea that we blame ourselves for whats wrong with our kids. Like we did something wrong to cause these issues. We know that this isn’t the case but internally we question the choices we’ve made.
In her case the illness came out of the blue – literally! She was fine one minute and in the hospital the next. For us, it was more of a gradual thing that happened almost from birth. But still, you wonder if somehow you caused this.
We joke about ‘breaking’ Nicole because I craved Portillos when I was pregnant with her. Thankfully I had to drive out of my way to get there. But then I craved olives with Jon and malted milk balls with Steven and they are both fine (well in relative terms)
A friend posted on facebook today about our internal dialog that we have with ourselves and how we don’t think people know but they do! I think this plays into that internal conversation we have. We have to learn to say the words outloud! It helps! Talking with someone who understands can help work through the guilt as misplaced as it may be.
Trials and triumphs of Nicole 