The Good the bad and the really really ugly

nicandduke

As a parent of a medically complex kid you find yourself working really really hard to keep them safe.  Protect them from things that make them sick, ensuring their world isn’t all that different from others and making sure they have the same chance at experiences as their friends.

Then something happens and you feel like an absolute failure at protecting them.  You see I can protect her from food and allergens and even bullies but I can’t protect her from the harsh facts of life, and one of those facts is the tragic death of her beloved horse.

Yesterday started as any normal day, we headed to the barn at lunch time to visit Zora (she got sick last week and needed some hand walking) but in the blink of an eye, everything changed.  Duke stepped wrong and broke his leg, and not a little minor break, it broke. I will spare you all the gory details but it was not pretty!

In that moment our entire lives changed, I went from saving her from all the hurts and harm to having no control over what was happening. In that moment she had to watch her beloved horse, her favorite animal on the planet die.  I couldn’t save him and neither could anyone else.

It was heart breaking to watch, it is heart breaking to even write about.  But I do because it helps to talk about it, it helps to know that in our world crappy things happen that we can’t control.

One day we’ll look back and this won’t hurt quite as much but today is not that day. Today we snuggle on the couch, I hold her hand and we watch her favorite show Supernatural. (And laugh at Sam and Dean)

Maybe tomorrow or the next day (or the next) we’ll talk about a new horse, not a replacement but a new one to love and invest in but for today we are just going to be.

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